Tuesday, August 25, 2009

How to gain licking rights to a finished bowl of icecream

Gaining licking rights to the leftovers of a bowl of icecream is a delicate task in diplomacy and manipulation. Charm is the key. I recommend the following strategy.

1. Maintain close proximity to the icecream bowl. It is important to ensure whoever is eating the icecream is aware of your presence and connects you and the bowl in their mind.
2. Maintain eye contact with whoever is eating the icecream. DO NOT give away the game by looking at the icecream itself.
3. Exercise charm via head tilts, the slow blink (not too slow, you don't need to look like a stalker nor like you are about to slip into a diabetic coma), and cute noises (use with caution: you do bot want to be accused of barking or similar noise offences).
4. When they are finished, they will reward your cute behaviour by placing the bowl on the floor or holding under your nose. DO NOT preempt licking rights by jumping up on whoever is eating the bowl. Occasional gentle nudges are acceptable. If the temptation is too much for you, avoid all physical contact.
5. Basic manners are essential even when the goal is achieved. Any lapses will affect future bowl licking rights and similar. Finish the bowl tidily, no spills nor knocking over the bowl, and ALWAYS so thank you when you've finished.

Enjoy your icecream!